Friendships of the Ages

Friendships of the Ages

Quotation:  “A friend is a present you give yourself.”  Robert Louis Stevenson

A friend is someone special who is present in our lives at each stage of life.  The very definition of a friend will continually change and evolve all of our lives.

Our first friendships are the playmates of our childhood.  These are the friends who created the memories of our carefree childhood days. 

For me this happened to be my cousins, Sandy and Rob, who lived just doors away from my own childhood home.  It was the other kids who lived on “the block” and also a few select classmates.  I remember exploring the woods in my backyard, looking for the first lady slipper flowers that would push their way up along the paths in the springtime.  I remember playing hide and go seek where we could hide just about anywhere – behind a tree or a bush, behind large rocks, or even in the musty cellar of our home. 

In the winter, we would build snow forts along the edges of our driveway, forged into tall banks of snow that had been pushed there by plows.  From the forts we would spend the day having long and loud snowball fights across the driveway.  Our property consisted of 23 mostly wooded acres.  We had a hill that for my generation of kids has been dubbed the “Russell Hill”.  We would grab our sleds and ride down the hill on the slippery snow – often times able to make our sleds go all the way onto the icy pond at the foot of the hill.  We would skate on the pond and even build bonfires on cold days to keep warm. 

It was with these playmates that I would spend countless hours during the summer time riding bikes around the block, swimming in the lake not far away, lounging on cool green lawns and looking for four-leaf clovers in the grass. 

Yes, these are the memories of our innocence – a time when we are allowed to be just children.

As we enter our teenage years, many of the playmates of our childhood are left behind.  A few may linger on into high school, but our needs are now different than before.  We need confidantes.  We need someone to share our secrets with as we embark on the road towards adulthood. 

My friends in high school are those with whom I share a common bond or similar interest.  My main friends, Wendy and Bev, are in the school chorus and in the library club. Then there was Irena and Merjeme (Maryann). We share stories about our first dates or even our first kisses.  The group that I am with are definitely not the “in crowd”.  We are the quieter, more studious kids – the ones who did not start dating until late in high school. 

We get our drivers licenses and are eager to be able to go places without being driven.  None of us has our own car.  We drive one of the ‘family cars’.  It is a privilege to be allowed to drive ourselves around. 

Graduation from high school is bittersweet as we now will part ways to attend different colleges.  We do not know if these friendships will stand the test of time.  We are growing up and ready to become even more independent by going away to college.

The friendships of college life are going to be more meaningful – especially if you live at the school.  These are the bonds that might be forged through sorority sisters or fraternity brothers.  They might be people in your dorm or in your college major.  Everyone gets a fresh start in college!  For most this is their first extended time away from home for any length of time.

My friendships in college are mostly female.  I lived in an off-campus building that has 9 two-bedroom apartments that house up to six girls.  By the end of the first year, we do some trade offs for room mates as we felt a common bond.  I decide to live with Daria and Linda whom I have gotten to know since they are in the same major as myself – special education.  Add to this mix some friends, Olenka and Sherri.  Thrown into this mix is our own little Italian, Callista (known as Cal).  This group ends up being the core group for the remaining college years.  We call ourselves the Fitch Street 5 plus one [because inevitably one in our group was always missing during the year due to a year off or a semester out student teaching.]  Our friendships are built on learning how to manage life without the parental watchful eye.  We will test the waters of independence over the four college years – but always remaining true to who we are innately meant to be.  We are not big risk takers, but we are still able to let our hair down.  Each year we tape up huge sheets of paper to the kitchen wall.  We will write or hang things on these sheets as the year progresses – so that by the end of the year we have a wall full of memories to look over.  Things like someone’s burnt toast… or some witty saying said in the exhaustion of finals… or the memories of a party.  Each of the things on this wall symbolizes the good times we are having.  Cal tells us that the true test of knowing when the spaghetti is done is to throw a piece on the wall.  If it sticks, it is done!  We carry this one step further and toss a few pieces on the ceiling near the light fixture and tape a sign next to it which simply says, “Caution: Falling Spaghetti Zone”.  There it stays for the rest of our college life!

These are the bonds of friendships formed as we emerge into young women.  Once again that friendship will be tested as we move on after college graduation.  For me, that is a move across the country to California – 3000 miles away from everyone else.

As I begin my new life in California, my friends are now my co-workers.  We share a common religion because of the place we work.  It is called Twelveacres and is a residential facility for developmentally disabled people.  We share a common goal – to help these children and adults learn to be more self-sufficient. 

It is there that I meet my husband-to-be.  As our lives become one, our friendship circle grows to include each other’s family and friends. 

This is just the beginning.  Our friendships will evolve as our life situations change. As we have children and change jobs, the circle will ebb and flow.  Some of the friendships will travel with us while others will fall away. 

As an adult, I have made attempts to reconnect with a few of my childhood or high school friends.  I find I have so little in common with them anymore that we are more acquaintances than true friends.  I am still in touch with my college roommates.  We don’t communicate with each other a lot – but we do try to meet up when I am back East visiting family.  We can sit around and talk – and it feels as if the years between us have just melted away.  We so easily pick up where we left off.  We laugh and reminisce about our time together.

It is the friendships of my mature years that I treasure the most.  It is these friends who have stood beside me when my husband was killed in a horrific accident back in 2000.  That period of my life showed me who my friends really were… and unfortunately it also showed me who they were not.  These are the friends still walking with me today.  They are the ones that I know I can count on in good times and in bad.  True friends stand  the test of time.  I know more friendships will continue to form in the years to come.  These will be special ones as well.  They will show me new ways to have fun.  We will make new memories together until memories are all that we have. 

Our lives are shaped by the people we meet along this journey we call life.  We need every single one of them.  All are different – but all are important. 

I love the following saying because it is so true for me.  I do not know it’s origin.

“ People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. “