Uncomfortable Truths

I have been struggling for days to find the words to say in regards to the tragic events of recent weeks.

There has been so much unrest in society today – what with a few months of sheltering in place due to the Coronavirus (COVID-19) and now protests and riots after a horrible display of abuse of power by several police on the Minneapolis force resulting in the death of a man because of a holding tactic that is obsolete for our times…. Made even worse by the fact it was a white police officer and a black man. 

I haven’t watched a lot of TV over the past months, mainly because I haven’t had one in my possession.  For several months before that I found I couldn’t watch TV as I was still grieving the loss of my husband.  The TV was just too much noise for my brain.  This resulted in the fact that I must have missed hearing about several other instances of “white cop kills innocent black person”. 

The ensuing unrest over the death of George Floyd, the most recent incident, seemed to be more than expected.  When I made a comment which I thought was supportive of the black people, a few cherished African American friends called me out on the carpet.  They proceeded to launch into the justification of the protests and riots and mentioned the other cases.  The ones I had not heard of.  I guess I can’t fault them for not knowing that I had no idea about these others. 

On my posting on Facebook I was more or less accused of not understanding what this infraction means to the black community. 

Dawn, people are very tired, upset and heartbroken. There have been protests going on the past couple of months due to this pandemic, and I have not seen you utilize this same language. They too have inconvenienced others over inconsequential matters. A man was murdered and people have a right to protest. We can’t win, e.g. if it’s a peaceful protest and a man takes a knee, he’s vilified and labeled as a monster. What would you suggest? Have you ever thought about the methods the unheard use? You allude to MLK, and he was still assassinated. Many people get mad either way. We can’t get past this due to racism; it’s a stain on this country that will never go away until people take a hard look at themselves.

And

Where are all these good cops when their colleagues are killing us? I'm really wondering because we are being shot/strangled with 2, 3, 4 + cops on scene and they NEVER intervene. They know they can and do get away with murder time and time again and these silent "good cops" are no better. We are sick and tired.

As a result of these comments, I found myself stepping back and trying to look within me to figure out how to respond, how to feel, how to view all of this. To understand that, I suppose you need to return to my roots. 

I was raised a town that consisted of 98% middle class white people on the east coast.  In all my years of school there, in my classes, you can count the number of not only black people but other races on one hand and still have fingers left over.  To say I had little exposure to people of any color than white would be an understatement.  I wasn’t friends with any of them, not because of their color, but because our interests were not the same, we didn’t travel in the same circles, and thus I had no opportunities to get to know them on a personal level.  Does that mean I’m prejudiced?  No.  Does that mean I was fearful of being in their circle?  No. 

When I was in high school (I think), my parents decided to host two black boys from the projects in Waterbury.  They spent several weeks with us at our home and we saw them on some occasions afterwards.  I do not remember much about their time with us.  My younger brother will likely remember more than me.  The reason – they were BOYS.  Not interested in things I liked to do. 

In my home we were raised to treat others with kindness and respect.  Everyone.  Race, religion, background, etc. were not first and foremost.  What mattered was the character of the person.  It mattered that they treated others well, that they worked hard, that their values of honesty and integrity were in check. 

Yet, as I walked and meditated the other day after being told that black people are tired, frustrated, etc., I needed to take a hard look at myself to figure out where I stand. 

I have been reading various posts on the topic.  Listening to what this black community is saying.  Thinking about what I am or am not thinking or doing about this issue.    

I admitted this morning that as much as I would like to say I don’t see color, that I in fact do see it.  Does that make me a bad person?  The fact that I see it?  I have friends that come in many colors.  Some of them are very near and dear to me and are the best examples of great human beings.  Honest, kind, loving, friends.  With them I don’t see color. 

Yet, if I am out walking alone, am I inclined to look at a non-white male as a threat?  Maybe.  More of a threat than a white male?  Maybe slightly.  I can’t say for sure.  I think the demeanor of that male, black, white or yellow, will be more important than their color.  If they are jogging, or walking around talking on the phone, or just looking like they are friendly, my response to them would be a friendly nod or smile.

Given this, I have to say that while I may SEE color of skin, my reaction to that person is more likely to be more about their behavior than it is the color of skin.  I am obviously going to feel threatened by ANY male who acts aggressive in public, who is walking around in a dark hoody, sunglasses, pants that hang below his butt, acting suspicious. 

I normally don’t have a problem finding words to speak or write.  This time I have had so much playing around in my mind, I find it difficult.  I have been trying to spend time educating myself, analyzing where I fall short, and determining how to put into words all that has transpired these past few days. 

Here are some of my take-aways:

1.        While I am inclined to say “All Lives Matter”, after listening to the voices of others, I can understand why it is important to say “Black Lives Matter”.  One example that made this clear is the Bible story of the shepherd in the field where one of his flock has gone missing.  While it is important that all of his sheep are safe, he knows he must find the one who has gone missing.  Therefore, we must make it important to make the black community feel as they are important, and enfold them into the flock.  For they are just as important and just as necessary as the other sheep in the field.

My niece posted another analogy that I will share:  Saying all lives matter is a given, but the focus is on black lives because those are the people who are oppressed and discriminated against BECAUSE of their skin color. An analogy for you: say I lived in a neighborhood with 10 other houses and 1 of the houses was on fire. When the firemen show up, do I say “all houses matter - spray water on all of them!”? No - we direct the fireman to put out the house that is burning. Not because the other houses don’t matter, but because one is burning.

2.       The majority of protestors are peaceful.  They need to make noise to make their voices heard.  Inciting of violence and destruction of property is coming mainly from people taking advantage of the crowd.  Their purpose is not the same as the majority of those out on the streets. 

I still believe that violence should not beget violence.  I still believe we need to figure out a way to use our words and voices in a manner that words for everyone.  Isn’t there a saying about it’s easier to get your way with sugar than with vinegar – or something like that?

3.       We can be quick to blame those at the top – the people who control this country.  They do need to take on some of the blame for policies that aren’t followed through on, for making promises and not keeping them, for not being able to pass one single law without hundreds of caveats having nothing to do with the actual issue on the table.  Buried within every bill that’s passed are lobbyists and people with deep pockets who are swaying the conversations.

However, we need also to look at this from the ‘molecular’ level… from each and every person here on earth.  If each of us could take this to heart and try to bring about positive, long-lasting change, then there should not be another George Floyd incident, not other Breonna incident, or any number of black killings by white cops without good cause. 

We need to own our own shortcomings.  We need to be involved.  This is as true, if not more true, for the black members in the community.  They need to be involved in the making and carrying out of policies. We all need to be more aware of what is going on around us.  This is not just a black problem or a white problem, it is a problem for everyone.  The solution starts with each of us doing even one small thing to make this world less racist, to ensure that those little black children have every chance to make it into their grown up world as a contributing member of society. 

We start with us – and we take it up a level – and then another level - - until those at the top “get it” and make this a more fair and equitable country on every level.

4.        As white people, we need to make it our mission to sit down and talk to people of color around us.  Have conversations.  If we see them experiencing issues because of their color, we need to see if there is a way we can help them.  I never felt that I was a person of privilege just because of my skin color yet this is what the black community feels.

How we get involved will depend on each person’s circumstance and comfort level.  That’s not to say that we shouldn’t step out of our comfort zone to help.  There will be times we should step out of our path and get involved. 

5.        How to we help more black people become the General Colin Powell’s, Condoleeza Rice’s, Barack Obama’s, Oprah Winfrey’s or Martin Luther Kings of this world?  These are just some of the wonderful examples of who black people can become!  The.       y are people we look up to, admire and aspire to become.  We need MORE of these examples.  We need to see this on a broader scale.  Each black person has the potential to rise up if given the opportunity. 

These are just a few of the things that I have been reflecting on this week.  I am still evolving and still trying to figure out what it is that I can do to bring about change.  Maybe it is making donations to organizations supporting black education or policy reform.  Maybe one day I will stand by with others at a peaceful demonstration.  Maybe it is just making sure I stay aware of those people around me who need my love and support.  Maybe it is about letting others know that Black Lives Matter and speaking up about that.

All I know for certain is that watching and listening and reading this past week has opened my eyes to a huge problem and I want to be part of the solution going forward.